New Beginnings
by LuDiamonds
Summary: She throws her leg over her motorcycle and as she takes off, she doesn't look back. She rides off into to the twilight; the sun may be setting on this life, but it is rising in another. She's scared, heartbroken, but a little excited. Running off to L.A. could be the best decision she's ever made. Post-iGoodbye.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: hahahaha yeah right**

"No, but seriously," Carly giggled, "I have to tell you something."

"Please Carls, I know that Italian boys are hot. I don't need you to rub this in my face anymore."

Sam smirked at her friend through the computer screen. This had become a nightly routine for the two girls. They may be hundreds of miles away from each other, but they're not going to let a silly thing like that put a crack in their friendship.

"Well…" Carly looked at her hands and then up to the ceiling. She coughed twice and then looked over at the wall. "You see…"

"Carly, spit it out. You're making me all itchy here with the suspense," Sam snapped.

Carly inhaled and closed her eyes.

"The day I left…Freddie and I, kind of…ya know, uhm-kissed."

Sam's breathing stopped. The hand that was scratching her eyebrow dropped to the bed and with open eyes she blinked at her brunette friend. Her brunette friend who was looking increasingly manic by the second.

When Sam realized she had been silent for far longer than what would have been considered normal she coughed out an, "Oh?"

Carly cringed and frantically started rambling.

"I promise it meant nothing, Freddie and I aren't even like that. I'm in _Italy_ for Christ's sake, it was more of-".

As the pitch of Carly's voice got higher and the speed of her sentences got faster, Sam completely tuned her out and focused on her lips.

Carly's perfect pink, heart-shaped lips that were usually coated with some sort of fruity gloss that constantly made that mouth look kissable. Apparently extremely kissable to Freddie. 'Cause that's what it seems like he's only good for. Kissing Carly. Even though he used to be in a relationship with Sam. Even though he talked about being _back_ in a relationship with Sam. No matter all of that. He would always be kissing Carly. It would always be Carly.

"-the reason I'm even telling you this is because, you are my best friend. I would never keep any thing from you. And…I know how you feel about him. Deep down I always knew how you felt about him. I guess I got jealous or something which is ridiculous because I do not have feelings for Freddie-Sam? Sam look at me."

The blonde turned her head up so through the computer screen blue eyes met brown.

"I do _not_ have feelings for Freddie. You have to know that. I did a bad thing, I'm a bad friend. But you have to know-."

Sam couldn't take this conversation anymore. She was on a very thin rope and it was on the brink of snapping.

"Carly," she whispered, "I could care less if you do or not. I don't have feelings for Freddie. If you kissed him that's fine. I don't care. You two deserve each other. You always deserved each other. I don't care about Freddie."

Her response was almost mechanical.

Carly shook her head at Sam. "No, Sam. Please. I don't want you to be mad-."

"I'm not mad," Sam interrupted.

It was true. Sam couldn't be mad at Carly. She never could.

"I'm not mad, but I am tired. Mama's got a long day ahead of her tomorrow," Sam feigned a smile.

By the look on Carly's face, she could only imagine how awful that fake smile looked.

"Sam," Carly's voice trembled.

"Carly. Swear. I'm just tired okay? I'll talk to you later."

Carly blinked and looked down. She knew there was nothing she could say to fix what she had done. She was stupid, stupid, stupid sometimes. Carly Shay always had to be the best right? Carly Shay always had to win. She hung her head in shame and mumbled, "Yeah, okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Sam."

Sam slammed her laptop and kicked it off the bed. She rolled over on her side and drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around herself.

_Breathe. _She thinks. _Inhale. Exhale._

She repeats this mantra in her head cause if she stops other thoughts will crash over her like a wave and bring her down, down, down and she wouldn't be able to resurface.

If her best friend abandoning her to stay in this dreary wasteland that is Seattle wasn't enough, finding out she lost the man she loved to her definitely was the cherry on top.

It was time she stopped kidding herself. She had dreamt up this imaginary world where now that Carly left, Freddie and her would grow closer. That they would bond over the mutual sadness of their over-seas friend.

Maybe they would become friends. They would hang out on a regular basis; he would do her homework for her, and she would…well she would provide witty commentary. Maybe they would go see a movie together or maybe go out for dinner. Then they could revisit their relationship. Maybe she could prove that she was normal enough for him.

Cause that's all he wanted right? Was for her to be more normal so they could finally be together? Wrong.

All he wanted was for her to be more like Carly. And no matter what Sam did, she would never be Carly.

She knew this for a fact because for a majority of her life, that's all she had been trying to do.

"Sammy! I'm going out with Ted! I'll be back…ehh…whenever!"

She heard her mom slam the door and wondered if she would be seeing her back tonight or sometime next week. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. She bit her lip and blinked a couple tears from her eyes. She ran her hand across her face before they had a chance to fall from her cheeks.

She looked over to the table beside her bed. A picture of Sam and her twin sister Melanie looked back at her, along with a picture of her, Carly, and Freddie.

Suddenly she was very, very angry.

She reached out and pushed the picture of the trio down. She grimaced when she heard the _crash! _of the broken glass. Rolling off of her bed and landing on the floor, she ripped the picture from the glass and frame. Carly was giving a tiny smirk as she looped her arm through Sam's. On the other side of Carly was Freddie's big goofy grin with his arm around Carly's dainty shoulders.

_Of course Carly's in the middle. When is she not the center of all attention? Look at Freddie he just looks oh so happy to be-_

_Riiiiiiip._

Sam's thoughts are interrupted by the sound of paper ripping. She blinks and looks at her hands, she must have ripped the picture by accident. She lifts a finger and runs it down the rip, noticing how she ripped the picture directly in between Freddie and Carly.

An unnoticed tear falls down her cheek as she cautiously grabs the two corners of the picture and-

_Riiiiiiiiip._

Two halves of the picture looks up at her. Carly and Sam standing arm and arm, and a big goofy smiling Freddie, arm torn off at the shoulder. More tears seem to fall, but she doesn't know why. She's not upset. Ripping that picture felt good. In fact, it felt _great._ So great, that she needs to do it again.

Throwing herself to her feet she storms to her closet door, ripping it open. She's slashing through clothes and other clutter that she has packed in the small space, not aware of the savage sounds she's making.

She finally finds what she's looking for, a light blue box. Sinking to her knees, she throws the lid of the box half-way across her room. She doesn't feel or see the cut on her hand from the glass of the picture frame. She doesn't care that she's bleeding. She looks down at pictures and other small keepsakes from the past 5 or 6 years of her life, gives a little sob, and starts demolishing them.

Picture after picture of her and Carly, her and Spencer, her and Freddie get's shred to pieces. Her autograph from the world's fattest priest, her Shelby Marx's fight ticket, even an old Penny-T. She rips and bites and crumples all of it. Soon she's crying and she can't stop and she's screaming and the box isn't enough, she has to get rid of iCarly and Freddie and Carly and everything that makes her hurt because her father left and Mel left and Carly left and Freddie left her. That one hurts the most because that's something he promised he would never was abandon her cause he knows how it feels to have someone you love leave you, but it doesn't matter. Cause he did. He left her for her best friend, although she's not sure if he technically left her cause now she's not so sure he was ever her's to begin with.

Soon she's lying in the middle of her floor surrounded by pieces of destroyed memories. Soon her tears run out. Soon she stops thinking. But the pain doesn't stop; she doesn't expect it too.

After lying on the floor for far to long, she wipes her face and looks up. Taking in the damage she notices one thing that stands out. Laying on hundreds of little pieces of paper is the keys to the motorcycle Spencer gave her. She must have knocked it off of her wardrobe in the middle of her…_episode_.

She looks at those keys and sees something that she thought she had lost. Hope. Renewal. A second chance.

Pulling herself to her knees, she crawls over to the keys, picks them up and stares at them in her hands. She could do it. She could grab her things, hop on her bike and just…go.

With a shaky hand, she uses the doorknob to pull herself up in a standing position. Looking around at her demolished room, she sets her jaw and clinches her hand around the keys into a fist. She didn't think it would be that easy to make a decision.

After throwing everything she could need into two bags, she scours the wreckage that is her room to find two important things. Two pictures. Luckily, she does see them, tossed under her bed, completely in tact.

She hurries down stairs into her living room and finding some pen and paper writes three letters. One addressed to her mother, one addressed to Spencer, and the last one to Freddie. She didn't cry while writing these letters, and walking out the door, she isn't crying now. One thing she does know is that she will never let herself cry over him again.

She steals one of her neighbor's newspapers while running to her motorcycle, knowing it will probably come in handy later. She has three stops before she can go, the bank (to move some of her savings and other funds around), Bushwell Plaza (to drop off Spencer's and Freddie's letters with Lewbert), and finally to the local rest stop to purchase some sort of map to get her to California.

She throws her leg over her motorcycle and as she takes off, she doesn't look back. She rides off into to the twilight; the sun may be setting on this life, but it is rising in another. She's scared, heartbroken, but a little excited. Running off to L.A. could be the best decision she's ever made.

She hopes she doesn't have to see Seattle for a long time because there is one thing Sam knows for sure.

There's nothing left for her here.

**Well, this is probably what would have happened after the ending of the little iCarly finale that we all watched in horror.**

**I can't tell yet if this is where I want to leave it or if I want to continue this story to give my little iCarly and Seddie heart peace, but I just have so many feelings right now towards that show it's ridiculous.**

**Bleh. Oh well. Please review!**

**Love, Lucy**


	2. Pam and Spencer

**Disclaimer: blah**

* * *

"Hey, Sammy! Get your rear-end down here, I got a surprise guest for ya!"

Pam Puckett opened the door wide and smirked down to the petite blonde beside her. "Sam!" she yelled again.

"Oh mom, she's probably sleeping. Let me just go up and surprise her." And with that Melanie Puckett ducked under her mother's arm and made her way up the stairs, taking two at a time.

She was sure Sam didn't remember that this was Winsor Academy's spring break, and she was excited to surprise her.

She walked the couple feet and threw a small smile to the _KEEP OUT _sign that was taped to the door as she opened it up.

"Oh, Samantha, I'm ba-…oh God."

Melanie blinked in shock as she took in her twin sister's destroyed room. She took a few cautious steps and shook her head.

_What happened here? It looks like tornado hit._

Through the wreckage something stood out. By Sam's bed, Melanie saw a broken picture frame on the ground. Her brows furrowed as she moved towards the frame and she bent down to get a better look. She noticed a picture of Sam and Carly and beside it a picture of Freddie. It was obvious it was ripped to remove him.

"Oh, no," she whispered to herself as she picked up the two halves.

"Mom," she said and as she stood up she repeated louder, "Mom!"

Not waiting for a reply, she ran out of Sam's room and down the stairs to see her mother sitting down on the couch.

"Mom, Sam's room…I-well, look what I found…" Melanie rounded the couch to show her mother the picture but froze when she saw her face.

"Mom…mom, what's wrong?" she said cautiously.

Pam was looking straight ahead, her jaw set and mouth in a firm line. Her face looked almost contorted in anger or pain, Melanie couldn't tell, but Pam's eyes looked almost…dead. Melanie looked down and noticed that beside her mother was an opened hand-written letter.

She gingerly set the ripped picture onto the coffee table and picked up the letter.

_Mom,_

_I'm sorry that I had to tell you this way, but I'm leaving. Well, by the time you get this, I will have already left._

_I didn't know when I would see you again and believe me, I wasn't in the mood to wait around._

_I didn't leave because of you. I want you to know that. I'm sure that's what you'll probably think, but I want you to know this is not your fault. We've had our differences, but I've grown. We both have. You may not be Mrs. Brady or whatever, but you were a good mom to me._

_I don't know how long I'll be gone and I don't know when I'll be back but I just could not take one more second in this town. _

_This is good for me, you have to know that too. This is a good decision._

_After I leave…take care of yourself, okay? I won't be around to fix whatever crazy messes you get yourself into._

_And, I just want you to know that I forgive you. Those couple of years after Dad abandoned us and you shut down and we had to take care of ourselves…let's just say I've learned a thing or two about love and what it does to you when it goes sour, so I get it._

_Tell Mel I love her._

_You'll hear from me soon._

_Love, _

_Sammy_

"Oh…no," Melanie whimpered as she clutched the letter to her chest.

She looked to Pam with tears in her eyes and laid her head down on her shoulder.

After a couple minutes of listening to Melanie cry, Pam put her arm around her daughter.

* * *

A knock on the door shook Spencer into reality again. He had been watching this movie about a dog and his best friend, but the movie had ended and now the channel was repeating different infomercials.

He didn't remember when the movie ended or how it ended. He guesses he wasn't really paying attention. He did that a lot these days. Just sitting and staring, which turned into thinking.

More knocks made Spencer close his eyes in frustration. Maybe if he just is really quiet whoever was there would just _go away_.

"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!"

Oh God, he knew that voice anywhere.

"AND I'M NOT GOING AWAY UNTIL YOU GET THIS LETTER!"

A letter? Spencer couldn't imagine who it would be. Not Carly. She usually calls or video chats. Oh well. It could be Carly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming, hold on!" Spencer yells as he forces himself into a standing position.

"I WILL NOT HOLD ON I HAVE PLACES TO BE AND-," Lewbert stops when Spencer throws open the door. "TAKE YOUR STUPID LETTER AND-."

Spencer interrupts Lewbert by grabbing the letter out of his hand and slamming the door in his face. As he walks back to the couch he rolls his eyes when he hears Lewberts screech of protest from the hallway.

Spencer looks at his name on the envelope and immediately recognizes the handwriting as not being Carly's. He shrugs and opens it up anyway.

_Spence,_

_I figured I owed you an explanation and a big thank you._

_First the explanation. I'm leaving Seattle. I'm on my way to L.A. and I would appreciate it if you kept my destination our little secret._

_I couldn't take it here anymore, Spence. Not without Carly. I know you miss her so much. Much more than you let on._

_I miss her too, she was a lot of what was good in me. The only good thing about me, well, at least that was what I used to think. Maybe that's why I'm leaving, to see if I can be good without her. I think I can, but I won't know until I try._

_There's more than one reason to my decision to leave, but I don't really want to get into it. I bet you probably already know. You always knew so much. Also much more than you let on. Let's just say I don't really want to get my heartbroken anymore than it already has._

_Anyway, I want to make sure you don't completely spiral downhill with this whole Carly thing. I know you would never, ever let Carly know how much her leaving affected you, but you can't let it drag you down._

_I've seen a lot of lives almost ruined by sitting around and letting the thought of being left alone consume them. That doesn't have to be you. Go paint something. Or build something. Or date pretty girls who end up being crazy. You're really good at that. _

_Just don't be sad, okay?_

_And now for the thank you._

_Like Carly you saw the good in me. You never doubted me. You never thought I was some teenage delinquent. You never looked down at me in pity the way most adults do when they think they see a pair of handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit in my future._

_No one had ever given something like that motorcycle you gave me. No one. You gave me my freedom, and a second chance. A future that I always deserved._

_You were the brother I never had and the father I always wanted._

_I'll miss you so much._

_Tell Carly I'm sorry._

_Love,_

_Sam_

Spencer exhaled and it turned into a sort of sob, which he tried to cover with a laugh. He looked around and sunk down to the couch, dropping the letter in the process.

He laughed again as he buried his face into his hands. Maybe if he laughed he wouldn't cry.

But he did cry. He cried and cried until his shoulders shook.

_Don't be sad _Sam said. _Don't be sad._

What a joke. Everyone is growing up around him but here he is stuck in the same place.

He regrets giving her the motorcycle, but not really cause deep down he knows it's for the best. He wishes he could have said something to stop her because he knows it's dangerous her running off like this, but not really because he knows she's stronger than anyone he's ever met and she can handle herself.

He _is_ sad. He's sad because he's alone.

Losing one little sister was too much. Losing both little sisters pushed him over the edge.

* * *

**I just love Spencer's character so much :(**

**Next chapter will be Freddie's letter.**

**Please review! :)**

**Lucy**


	3. Freddie

**Disclaimer: Nuh-uh**

* * *

"Honestly, Gibby. I do not want to hear about your weasel. Plus, I don't even think it is a weasel."

Gibby stopped walking and turned to him.

"Not a weasel? Well, Freddie. What else could it possibly be? I feel like I don't even know you…"

Freddie rolled his eyes and kept walking.

"It's a fer-, you know what. It's not even worth it."

"I'll have you know Sampson is capable of abstract thought that you and I could not even begin to understand."

Freddie turned the corner of the hallway to his apartment door and mumbled under his breath, "it's you that I could not begin to understand."

Freddie pulled out his keys and put them in the door.

"Hey, Freddie, look at this."

Freddie groaned and slammed his forehead onto the door.

"No, Gibby, I will not look at another one of your 'weird moles' that you found!" he growled.

"No, Freddie, it's a-," Gibby started.

"_Gibby!" _Freddie spun around and stopped when he saw what was in Gibby's hand.

"Here let me see that," he took the envelope from Gibby. It was addressed to him.

"Do you know anything about this?" Freddie asked as he opened the letter.

Gibby shrugged in response. "Well open it up and see what it says."

Freddie opened the letter and read the first couple of lines. Gibby noted how his expression change to one of shock and his shoulders tense up.

He also saw how the letter was shaking.

"Gibby…you need to go."

"Freddie…what is it? You look all chizzed out."

"Gibby," Freddie looked up at him and there was something manic about the look in his eyes, "you. Need. To. Leave."

Gibby started walking backwards, holding up his hands, "okay, okay, geez calm down." He turned around and walked around the corner of the hallway and mumbled, "you don't have to tell me twice."

Freddie didn't hear him.

_Freddie,_

_No need to beat around the bush here. I'm heading out._

_I'm going some place to make a name for myself. Gotta stop relying on your brains and Carly's sympathy to get me through life, right? Well, I have a pretty good feeling that I can be okay. But I definitely wasn't okay in Seattle._

_I could have told you goodbye in person, I guess. Maybe I was scared I would stay, maybe I was scared I would kill you, maybe I was scared I would cry. Either way, you're getting this letter instead._

_I'm not really awesome at talking about my feelings, especially with you. But, I guess that's something we both have in common._

_I just really cared about you, ya know? And you kind of took that and just threw it away._

_I don't blame you really. I mean, she's beautiful and funny and smart and small and polite and well, everything I'm not. It was her, really. Deep down, you always wanted, needed that. I guess it took me for you to figure that out, and I'm happy I could help you come to that realization. Actually I'm not really happy at all, I wish I could have not have gotten caught in the cross-fire._

_But whatever, my happy ending wasn't in Seattle. How could any happy endings happen here anyway? Too rainy. I'm going somewhere bright and warm, to find my happy ending._

_You've been a good friend, most of the time. I knew what you did for me with the whole Missy thing. Giving up the cruise or whatever. You actually probably don't even remember what I'm talking about. But I never forgot. That was so kind, and I'll always appreciate that._

_Anyway, I've got my motorcycle and the open road calling my name. I hope you have a good life, I know you will. Especially since I won't be around to mess things up anymore. This will probably be the last time you'll hear from me, and I think that's for the best._

_Goodbye, Freddie._

_Hate, _

_Sam_

Freddie blinked once. Twice.

At that moment he felt nothing. No pain. No sadness. No fear.

It's like his heart literally froze in his chest along with all of his other functions.

Then it cracked. And he started to shatter.

He fell into the wall and he tried to use it to help him stand, but it was no use because his legs were shattering.

"No," he whispered as he staggered sideways and forward.

He was breaking and he couldn't stop. He didn't know what to do; how to put himself back together.

"No, no, no" he said again to no one.

Suddenly he closed his eyes and tried to remember how to breathe, how to think. He crumpled the letter in one hand and opened his eyes with a new fire burning in him.

"No," he said firmly.

And then he started running.

* * *

It took Sam 18 hours to get to L.A. from Seattle. She only stopped twice. She didn't need to sleep, adrenaline was powering her.

She drove by the ocean the entire time, which also kept her awake. The sun rose and set again by the time she had finally arrived. She drove through Beverly Hills and then stopped when she reached Santa Monica. She drove past the beach shack like restaurants and kept driving until she saw less and less tourists.

She found a place to leave her motorcycle out of sight, and ran through the dunes until she finally reached beach. She smiled as the warm night air blew her hair around her face. She kept running along the beach until she reached a stretch of shore that was completely empty of people, except her.

She walked closer to the ocean, and stared into the night sky, peppered with stars. Some salty mist from the ocean sprayed her face and she closed her eyes and smiled. She didn't know why her eyes started to sting with the threat of tears, but they did. She shook her head trying to get the small lump out of her throat.

She looked back at the ocean and knew she wanted to see how it felt. Slowly she unbuttoned her jeans and pealed them from her legs. Then she gently lifted her long-sleeved shirt from her torso and pulled it over her head. She let both articles of clothing drop in the sand.

She laughed and shook her head back and then ran splashing into the ocean. She dove in headfirst so the luke warm water completely surrounded her. She resurfaced and let the water lift her body so that she was floating on her back.

With her hair forming a gold halo around her head she let the warm waves rock her as she stared up into the night sky.

And for the first time in a long time, she felt okay.

* * *

Freddie flew out of the bus, which dropped him off at the end of Sam's street. He ran and ran until the only sound he could hear was the sound of his tennis shoes hitting the wet pavement over and over.

He repeated the mantra _She didn't leave. Find her. She didn't leave. Find her. _over and over again in his head. He couldn't think for one second that he was too late because that thought was too much to handle; it would consume him for sure.

Finally he rounded the curve to Sam's house. He could see it in the distance. As he got closer and closer he saw that there was someone was walking out of her house. Soon he was there, standing in the street, and he froze.

He saw the blonde hair curling down her back, braided up into a simple ponytail. The light blue of her dress was almost glowing in the moonlight.

"_Sam," _he breathed.

She blinked at him with tears in her eyes and pained expression on her face.

_Sam._

* * *

**Oh, Freddie. Poor stupid Freddie. When has Sam ever worn her hair up or a **_**dress?**_

**Oh, well he'll figure it out soon.**

**The next chapter we'll see a little bit of Sam's new life in L.A. And we'll also get Carly's reaction to all of this.**

**Please review!**

**Lucy:)**


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